if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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