is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
