Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
