I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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