I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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