He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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