She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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