I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
