Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
