She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
