i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
pop tarts are not kleenex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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