I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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