dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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