I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
