Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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