I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
