I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
