Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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