How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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