he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
