Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
