Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
