I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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