OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize