Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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