Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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