its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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