yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
