Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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