Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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