I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
