why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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