Me too!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
