using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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