considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
