Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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