i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
