i just google imaged poop.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
