There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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