so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's shark week go big or go home
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
