you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize