Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
