I seem to have left my pride at pride
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
