I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
