just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
