im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize