If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
