I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
