Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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