woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
