I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
