So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize