C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My ass is underappreciated
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
