I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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