Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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