Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
