i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She needs sedatives and a leash
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
