You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize