Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
