I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
