Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
