I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
