So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
