This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize