im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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