i think my mom watched the whole time
Come see our sink grown plant.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
