omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
