I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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