Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
