No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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