Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
