She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do cheetos always look like penises
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
