I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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